The month that was half of Feb :

The girls have decided to celebrate Feb 14th as 'Loser's Day'. I haven't got a job yet my efforts continue, there is a new fiasco on the academic front. Feb 14th comes somewhere around the weekend and between the jest that me and gunjan indulge in where I take her case and she chases me, I wonder if I could make her happy by taking her out on the 14th. She jokingly wonders aloud and I act averted. A and N laugh. I look at N holding on to this moment, harder than than he does. They kiss and she holds on. I drop Gj downstairs and I ask her if she wanted to grab dinner on the 14th of Feb. She laughs and I lie to her allegation that I don't have to do it for her.Next day, I went to Hindustan Times office,"Give me stories" demanded a scrawny looking demanding woman called Lalita Iyer. Came back home was tired I guess, not much of money. Tried channel [v], no luck as such.

Couple of days later, Gj jumps onto me while I'm sleeping. She's bored and she wants do something or else she'll visit the dark side from which she's attempting to take a vacation from. Now looking back at it , it's quite a scary situation to be in , have a thyroid problem and break up with your boyfriend and miss the warmth and hit depression. I also realised I was living witha bunch of unforgiving women, if one of them were accidentally emotionally hurt , God help you! But then I felt she was being silly and self centered.

" I need to speak to you" she dialogued. Now this sentence is not the most comforting to hear.

(My ex-boss's preceeding before she'd to fire my ass. Or my future Girl friend who'd tell me something a li'l discomforting before I could pop the question to her, or my current boss who patiently warns me about coming late , my landlady who asks me for my rent. They all use this line before they unleash.)

Undigressing, I head to the bedroom voluntarily as she walks in and she's already started walking to and fro. "when was the last time you'd made out ?"

I have no idea why I wasn't surprised but I was wondering how to react. Her to and fro pacing increases.

Looking for the Glow- chapter 1

Jan 28th:

Reached Mumbai on the 28th.

Mom wanted me to leaveon the 6th of Feb. It's ok, shan's exam started on the 31st of Jan. I'm not as excited as i want to be when I'm going home to Mumbai, I know I don't want to stay there with them. Mood swings, conversations with a debatable undertone. There is an emotional influx that exists between us. Gunjan and Rupesh have split, good, i thought but there's more coming and it will catalyse everything that will unfold two months from now.

Neha is walking the thin ice over the icy water of truth which is 'He's leaving'. I'm not supposed to over analyse but I know that she's looking for something she's trying to extract from a love-empty but likeable person. When she doesn't then she tries to hold onto a grip and find warmth there. That's my Neha and i still love my pal. Infact it's the idea of what we were that retains the emotion within me. We have journeyed through pain and then we got lost we could n't help each other. We were blinded by our own challenges , me trying to get a place, and she getting Akshay to love her. Starved, I guess. Laziness and desire.

I have a slight Idea about Jason, buddies . The best time we had was in 2005. Then we just occasionally caught up the next year. He seems happy with Sonali, he told me it's a necessity to be involved to stay somewhat sane. We haven't chilled for a while, maybe we will. My friends are human, and we are not enough for each other even if we are there. it's normal.

Let's hold hands and walk through the corridor of lights
If we could smile at each other through all of them then we stay
I guess that's what happens with relationships across all levels.

So Now i'm coming home to Swats, she's a sweet teddy bear. Chilled out woman, but with a pretty sensitive side. She'll open the door and there'll be a slightly grey expression on her face.

I'm the devil.